some recent tots on the heart

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy."
Robert Anthony

Is it because they think their heart is not strong enough lest they are disappointed?
Or despite what they say, some masochistic part of them actually enjoys being miserable?
Haha.

The heart is a tricky thing to trust.

Few years back, I concluded that my heart is a little....stupid (for lack of a better word), and I need to tell it what to do so it doesn't end up running around in circles.
It's like the caterpillars following head-to-tail behind each other on the rim of a flower pot.
Even though there's food for them right in the middle of the pot, they don't know to change direction and so they end up circling the flower until they starve to death.
They are determined to stick to what they know, cos what they don't know is too scary.
What can I say....the heart knows what it wants, but it can't think for itself, and hence it can't lead for nuts.
Most times, it doesn't even make sense.

And it's unpredictable.
Just when you think it is strong enough to withstand any form of disappointment, it cracks under the slightest pressure.
So, you build your fort to try and protect it so that it doesn't crack again, but guess what, it is now stronger than you thought it was.
Sometimes you wonder if it's out to embarrass you.
So, people kept telling me, "You have to guard it," because...

You shouldn't trust something that is never constant.
You should fort something that keeps wanting to break out.
You should quelch it when it keeps wanting to hope.

Actually, you don't.

Because, hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Throughout the Bible, God wants to give us our 'heart's desires" to our "heart's content".

Not to say that everything that the heart wants is good.
But it's about being honest with that which the heart wants.
"But you desire honesty from the heart, so you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being." (Psalm 51:6)

And when it comes to the good things, I recently came to the conclusion that it's not about guarding your heart.
It's about trusting that God will protect it on your behalf.

That's how Jesus managed to love the people, even though they rejected Him.
That's why he eventually died of a broken heart.
If He had hardened his heart, there would have been nothing to break on the Cross.
He put it out there, regardless what it cost Him.

So it doesn't make sense.
So people let you down.
So they talk behind your back and backstab you.
So they assume things about you and act accordingly.

You don't have to keep that room in your heart under lock and key, because...

It's okei to trust in a constant God.
It's okei to trust in Him, the Fort and Protector.
It's okei to keep hoping.

I feel like I've gone a whole round in a span of 26 years, and I realised that I should have kept the heart I had when I was growing up, to save me the journey of a few years.
But well, it's the journey that matters, isn't it? :)
And God has come through enough in my 26 years to prove to me that He's a protective Father.