easter reverberations

Maybe I no longer identify with Simon Peter as much as I used to.
Or I've grown in a different direction since then.

But what got me this Easter was an unnamed disciple in the Easter drama.
And it wasn't even anything much he did at first.
Just grabbed by one of the Roman guards and flung to the floor.
But the picture of this lanky young disciple shrinking back, as he was held at the collar with his face inches from the guard's, keeps surfacing in my head like a photo shot.
What would I do if I were him?
Would I even be that far ahead?
Or watching the One I love being whipped, from afar?

I've always had this fear that when persecution comes, I will not make it.
I don't think I've ever feared death, but I almost cower at the thought of pain.
What's to say that under fear of pain, I will not deny Jesus like Simon Peter?

But when I watched the drama for the fourth and last time, I saw something that told me, it'll all come together somehow.
The same disciple was grabbed by the Roman guard, because he was bent on getting to Jesus during that struggle down Via Dolorosa.
He could have easily been whipped anytime along that road, but I think that was the least of his concerns.
Several times, he sprints to slip through the guard escort and almost manages to reach Jesus, before he is yanked away.
And just when Jesus is inches away from the cross, in a final effort, he pushes aside the guards to finally touch Jesus and holds on to His hand until the guards drag him away.

This petrified looking disciple had his last words from Jesus.
Because love really does make bold.