Sunday, July 29, 2007


I decided to revisit an old friend tonight ... her name's Kathleen Kelly.

She owns a quaint (read: small) children's bookstore Shop Around The Corner left to her by her mother, and she is happily living her "small ... valuable, but small" life until challenge comes in the form of book megastore Fox Books. While she twirls through unbelievable optimism (also read as "denial" to the realists), acceptance, "going to the mattresses" (i.e. fighting to keep her store alive), she is also busy falling in love with a really sweet man, with one snag--she doesn't know who he is, cos their greetings to each other are always preceded by the sound of a modem dialing up followed by three powerful words "You've Got Mail." That's right, they meet online. The great guy turns out to be her nemesis, the owner of Fox Books, Joe Fox.

Oh, in the end everything turns out marvellously, because Joe knew how to play his cards right. He primed her until she was caught in between loving him the man who put her out of business, and the sensitive, kind, caring yet unknown person on the other end of her inbox. Then, eventually he reveals himself and makes her romantic dreams come true.

And there's a plus in it -- Brinkley, Joe's golden labrador (at least that's the breed I think it is).
I got all "I'm missing Benji" again, but then, honestly I don't think i stopped missing him since he moved out. :P

I like Kathleen because she kinda lives in her own bubble of hope, which totally rejuvenated me.
While everyone else is worried before time that she will go out of business, she goes "I think it's great! You know how there is the flower district? Well, we'll be the book district! We'll have whatever they don't have."
She's the welcoming girl who is cheerful like the daisies that she loves.

She's not in denial of her reality though (not to me anyway).
After some time, when she realizes that her store is not making money, she puts up a fight, roping in the media and picket lines etc. only to have to fold eventually because the big, bad Fox Books is just too big a contender.

So she takes a break for a while to mourn the end of her shop, and then she starts writing a book. Haha.
She's just an unbeatable dreamer, and I love that.

Anyway, "You've Got Mail" is one of my favourite movies of all time.
Because movies always tell you there's a dream, and this one tells me, for all you know, the dream may just come true.

After a week of being down in the hopes-dump, it is time to bounce back, albeit however slowly.
Which sounds like an oxymoron ... Bouncing Slowly.

Friday, July 27, 2007


Okei, Dr. See says that we can't tell much from this MRI, as it still shows shadows of the leftover effects from Dad's radiotherapy. So he's now on the 1st of his next 3 cycles of chemotherapy. Then they'll take another MRI after that, which will be more revealing. Whether or not Dad's speech improves is dependent on whether the tumour was simply pressing on his brain or it actually ate away at the news abt which one it is at this moment too.

It irks me that the doctors and nurses seem to feel it's their duty to keep reminding us that this is a very aggressive tumour, and the usual prognosis is 1.5-2 years. Yes I know, you've made your point, but why the need to tell us 10 times? So what even if we don't realise it? So what if it doesn't sink in? Is it really yr job to ensure that we are hit wham-bam with the full realisation of the gravity of the situation? Trust me, none of us are living in denial, we all know the odds, but I don't see the point of repeating it in the "Do you realise how serious this is?" tone. How does that help anyone? Are we like supposed to start preparing for it or what? It's ridiculous. What's more keep trampling all over someone else's hope so it dies before its time or letting the person live in it until it has no choice but to die? Please, God knows when to let the bomb drop. I choose to let hope live till it dies a natural death, anytime. And don't worry, I may be a butterfly at times but I am not blind to reality, thanks very much. The facts are not the truth, that's all.

Okei, I've ranted enough. Let's move on.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

just a little more, shar.

My dad's MRI results are coming out tomorrow.

I flared up at the hospital last week, because if they hadn't forgotten to put in his appointment in their computer, he would have gone for the MRI last Mon, and his results would have been out last Wed.
But instead, because of SGH's administrative incompetency, we had to wait another agonizing week.
Tomorrow we will find out for sure if the radiotherapy and chemotherapy has killed the cancerous cells in Dad's brain.

It's not been a good week.
One of the worst, to be honest.

But it's too painful and raw to talk about the other thing here, so I won't.

And besides, if I hold out just a bit more day by day, eventually it's bound to get better, isn't it?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

hope on the rim

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I looked out and saw that a huge dark cloud had settled over my estate.
Then a while later, a loud clap of thunder rang out which kinda surprised me.

No it didn't make me jump.

I was surprised because that was when I realised that it had felt so normal to me, having the dark cloud over, that I didn't even notice that a storm was on its way.

That's life isn't it? Sometimes we just become so used to it to having a hanging dark cloud over us, that we forget sunshine is our portion.

It was nice to see that the dark cloud ended pretty neatly not so far off, and yes, it was all bright and full of hope beyond. :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

what the universe is up to

I came across a post-it I left for myself in my Bible.
It says:

Gather faith for the little things, and it'll snowball into a lifestyle of faith for you.

Hope must not die.
I will trust in Him.

Yeah, like Dr. Bernard so aptly rephrased, I do remember that "The universe is conspiring to make me successful."

"And we know that ALL THINGS work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Lost Custody

This blog is missing a lot.
For starters, it's missing a dog called Benji, who joined my family when he was only 2 months old.

Yup, that's him ... at 4 months of age.
I got him for my berfdae thanks to 2 great friends Caroline and Amos.
He no longer lives with me though.
Recently, his shedding fur got too much for my dad's nose, made very sensitive by his chemotherapy medication.
So Benji now lives with Carol and Amos, where I hear he's terrorizing the entire household, including their dachschund-maltese, Phoebe.

I miss him heaps though.
For all his impishness, nothing beats having him welcome you home after a long day or loyally sticking close to you, especially when you're miserable.
And when it comes to having fun, his capacity for playing has no limits.
He'd be panting up a storm but he'll still run circles around you or tenaciously cling onto the tug-o-war rope.

For seconds, I've got braces now.
My front teeth are sooooo sensitive and I feel like I am wearing one of those fake teeth things.
But in 1.5 years, I'll have straight teeth! :)

It's been so long since I updated this blog that I don't think many people are reading anymore.
Hahaha ... such is life.
But for those of you who are still here, hi and thanks!